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How do we ask for what we want in romantic relationships?

Publication

Abstract

As confirmed by many studies, domineering in romantic relationships - the ways romantic partners impose their will - is an integral and fundamental part of relationship functioning. This study explores the variability of behavioral domineering strategies leading to situational dominance.

In contrast of the traditional socio-psychological approach that tends to understand dominance as direct, assertive or aggressive behavior we do not restrain our view in such a manner but we look for any behavioral pattern that can be identified as resulting in situational dominance. Forty long-term couples (living together minimum 1 year (mean 3 years), whose average age is 25 years (20 to 40) were observed.

In a laboratory setting, the couples were asked to act out their typical conflict situation and were videotaped. In a qualitative analysis, the verbal and nonverbal behavior of partners was first coded with open codes.

Consequently, we selected codes that contributed the most to final dominance of one of the partners and categorized them into one or a few domineering strategies for each scene. Finally, particular domineering strategies from individual scenes were categorized into more general domineering strategies.

We identified two forms of domineering were found - offensive and defensive domineering. We identified 7 domineering strategies: Argumentative, Coercive/Aggressive, Aggrieved/Blaming, Peaceful coercion, Insidious, Persuading and Sabotage with subcategory of Problem Denial.

Results indicate that subjects often use several domineering strategies subsequently during a single interaction. We conclude that in real-life disputes of romantic couples, we can find several frequent and influential domineering strategies, unexpected according to the traditional socio-psychological literature, as e.g.

Persuasion, Grievance or Sabotage, for which the common characteristic is, that they are indirect and do not require possession of power-sources to be employed.